How to Name-Drop Your Way Into an Interview

Are you a recent college graduate with no work experience and no employment prospects? Don't worry! Follow the steps below and you'll be interviewing in no time.

*Disclaimer: This advice may not be practical for everyone. And it probably won't help you find lasting employment.

Step 1: Attend college. Take out as many loans as you need to (as long as you don't mind working as an indentured servant for the next 30 years of your life). The more loans you have to take out, the more interviewers and prospective employers will take pity on you. This doesn't mean they want to hire you, but they may decide to interview you just to satisfy their curiosity. Your tuition was HOW much?! HA! I bet you have a lot of student loans now! Oh, you want to know more about the position? Err   sorry, we're looking to hire someone with a bit more work experience.

Step 1.5:  Move back in with your parents.

Step 2:  Volunteer. Take an unpaid internship at a well-known firm. See my previous post on Negatively-Paid Internships for more information.

Step 3: Put all of the above on your resume. NEVER voluntarily mention that your internship was unpaid.

Step 4: Try to get hired for a paying, full-time job.

Step 5: Try to get a temp job, a paid internship, or another "prestigious" unpaid internship.

Step 6: Keep applying to full-time jobs. By now, you should be getting a lot of interviews. (The bigger the names on your resume, the more curious hiring managers will be and the more they will want to meet you in person. No, you are still too inexperienced for the position.)

Step 6.5: Try to get hired for a paying, full-time job.

Step 7: Repeat Steps 3 to 6 until you finally give up and just decide to apply to grad school.

Step 8: Finish grad school and go back to Step 1. Replace the word "college" with "grad school". Repeat all the steps.

Trend Alert: Negatively-Paid Internships

I find it ironic that I commanded a higher hourly wage before I graduated than I do now. But that's nothing compared to the time I met an unpaid intern with a master's degree.

A college education opens all kinds of doors
http://snarkwalk.blogspot.com/2010/06/college-education-opens-all-kinds-of.html#comments

I really like Chris's post; it sums up life after college nicely.


Right out of college, I was a negatively-paid intern. Yes, I was one of the few privileged interns nationwide who made even less than unpaid interns. I had to pay $1500 to an internship "agency". In return, they would allow me to work at my "dream" internship. $300 out of that $1500 total went to a small, unknown diploma mill college to pay for one course credit. Apparently, it's illegal to hire unpaid interns unless they are earning college credit for the experience. And thus, us "unpaid" interns had to pay to work. In addition to the $1500, I had to cover my own rent, food, and travel expenses. To pay for all of this, I had to beg for another loan from the Bank of Mom&Dad

Now you're probably wondering why anyone in their right mind would pay to work. When I signed up for the internship program, my plan was to move to the city and continue to job-hunt. I was really confident that I would be able to land a full-time job within weeks. My college had many contacts and alumni in the area, and I had able to get the occasional interview without too much trouble. Obviously, things did not work out as I had planned.

What surprised me the most during my internship experience was talking to one of my fellow negatively-paid coworkers. Two of the interns at our office were legitimately unpaid interns  both were still enrolled in school and didn't have to pay a cent before being hired. The only other intern had fallen for the same scam me; we had both paid the same "agency" to work, and then forked over more of our nonexistent income/savings to cover the sky-high living expenses. However, my fellow negatively-paid coworker had recently earned a master's degree in finance in the United Kingdom. She was the most educated of anyone in the entire office, yet had to spend thousands of dollars to work for free. Not only that, but she actually had experience working at a bank after completing her undergraduate degree in finance.

Our managers enjoyed a major power trip ordering us around for the next several months. (Both were less educated than the master's-degree intern, and one was actually a year younger than her.) Some of the wonderfully educational tasks/responsibilities us interns were assigned included: delivering roses to a random girl my manager wanted to impress (45-minute one-way trip), delivering mail by foot, buying and delivering one of the managers groceries (the intern was subsequently yelled at for getting the wrong type of jam). Despite everything, the internship program was still worth the cost to me, but only because it opened the door to a priceless temporary position at another firm. (In other words, I was able to earn my $1500 back.)


But I still don't understand how a smart, hard-working, and polished individual with a master's degree in finance, plus international work experience, can end up employed. Is there any hope for the rest of us recent grads without any work experience and graduate degrees??

Depressing Employment Article of the Day

Gen Y: No jobs, lots of loans, grim future

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38364681/ns/business-economy_at_a_crossroads/?GT1=43001

by Megan L. Thomas

msnbc.com contributor

updated 7/28/2010 8:36:50 AM ET

They are perhaps the best-educated generation ever, but they can’t find jobs. Many face staggering college loans and have moved back in with their parents. Even worse, their difficulty in getting careers launched could set them back financially for years.

The high unemployment rate among young Millennials can affect them financially and psychologically throughout their careers, according to a report by the Joint Economic Committee.

“The 'scarring effects' of prolonged unemployment can be devastating over a worker’s career,” according to the report. “Productivity, earnings and well-being can all suffer. In addition, unemployment can lead to a deterioration of skills and make securing future employment more difficult.” 

Competing against older workers with years of experience has put many Millennials on the losing end of job interviews. And while that's typical of past recessions, the long-term unemployment characteristic of this cycle is forcing many older workers to seek jobs that would have gone to younger workers in the past.

Baby boomers also are delaying their retirement, adding to the competition. A quarter of workers postponed their retirement in the past year, with 33 percent of workers now expecting to retire after 65, according to aretirement survey by The Employment Benefit Research Institute.

If they do manage to get hired, younger employees are often the first to be fired in layoffs. And when Millennials do land a job, it probably won’t be as lucrative due to intense competition for jobs. That means that this generation’s potential earning power is likely to lag over the course of their careers.

I hated college

To clarify the title of this blog: I hated college because I ended up unemployed afterwards. In other words, it was a complete waste of time and money from a numbers standpoint. Had I ended up with a good, full-time job instead, I would have convinced myself that I liked college. For me, the end result overpowers everything else (because my college was ridiculously expensive and demanded too many all-nighters).  

Excuses, excuses

Am I right to complain??

My only friend who knows my entire backstory thinks I have too many excuses and doesn't want to hear about them anymore. Which is true. However, it's not as easy as it sounds to decide what you want to do in life, learn everything that you can to get there on your own, and then get your dream job.

For example, we were discussing careers in marketing. I was saying I would love to do more brand management and consulting work, as opposed to the communications-based marketing roles that are available at most small and medium companies (i.e. communicating/negotiating with outside vendors, purchasing services and ordering materials, planning events, coordinating mailings and email communications, etc.). Unfortunately, I can't seem to get an entry-level position in any field, so all of this is theoretical (at least for me).

This is the basically how our conversation went:

Me: Most of the creative services at the companies that I've interned at were outsourced to outside marketing firms.
Friend: You should apply to those places then.
Me: I have, but they don't seem to be hiring.
Friend: I've seen lots of those job postings in that area lately.
Me: Those openings are probably in the design area. Unfortunately, I don't know many of those fancy design programs like Dreamweaver, Flash animation, etc.
Friend: Well, learn them.
Me: I can't afford to spend hundreds of dollars on a single program.
Friend: Learn them for free. Go on YouTube and watch the tutorials.
Me: But would that really count towards work experience for a job or even on a resume?
Friend: It would show employers that you are a go-getter. You make too many excuses.

The conversation ended with my friend saying: I don't want to have this conversation anymore.



This is why I have been blogging again--I've run out of people in real life to vent to.



I was talking with my other friend about how I believe the job market has picked up in the metropolitan area near our college. She replied saying nothing much has changed. I point out that everyone we know (including her) has gotten job offers very, very recently. She maintains that hiring hasn't picked up much, not really.


There's this phenomenon in psychology about how people tend to attribute their own failings to external influences, while blaming other people's failings on their own doing. Some may argue that I do it too when I claim I can't find a job by no fault of my own. I truly believe that I've tried absolutely EVERYTHING I could think of.

Examples of this phenomenon:

• "I can't find a job, but it's not my fault because I did everything right."
• "I just found a job, as did all of my friends, but hiring has absolutely not picked up in our area. We just happened to be a bunch of outstanding, highly-qualified candidates."
• "You can't find a job because you're not trying hard enough. Stop using the economy as an excuse."

From Wikipedia:

Self-serving bias: "A self-serving bias occurs when people attribute their successes to internal or personal factors but attribute their failures to situational factors beyond their control. The self-serving bias can be seen in the common human tendency to take credit for success but to deny responsibility for failure."

Fundamental attribution error: "In social psychology, the fundamental attribution error (also known as correspondence bias or attribution effect) describes the tendency to over-value dispositional or personality-based explanations for the observed behaviors of others while under-valuing situational explanations for those behaviors. The fundamental attribution error is most visible when people explain the behavior of others. It does not explain interpretations of one's own behavior—where situational factors are often taken into consideration. This discrepancy is called the actor-observer bias."

Not that I'm saying this has anything to do with my own situation.

Everything Reminds Me of How We Can No Longer Be Together Anymore

I'm updating from my internship. Which I shouldn't be doing.

Everything reminds me of how my college friends and I are growing apart and are on completely different paths in life. (This is why you shouldn't go to college out-of-state, unless you're determined to settle down in that area after graduation.) I kid you not when I say that EVERYONE who I had been friends with and kept in touch with, however briefly, now has a full-time job. (Is there something wrong with me??) And for 95% of them, not just any job, but an amazing one. A few of them are posed to make over $100,000 in this coming year. And all of them are going into the same handful of firms, in the same metropolitan area. The same metropolitan area which I left behind to seek a wonderful life in the suburbs.

The most triggering word for me is "finance". I wish I had majored in finance instead!! Followed by, in no particular order: "accounting", "marketing", "business school", "college" , "university", "internship", and "diploma". Speaking of diploma, does anyone want to purchase my 100% recyclable diploma? I will sell it to you for the low, low price of $51.99, plus shipping and handling. I don't think I need to point out what an amazing deal this is--it costs at least this much to attend one hour of class at my school! Quantities are unlimited, since I can keep ordering replacement diplomas for $50 from my alma mater.

Back to more triggering words/phrases: the name of my college/university, the name of the university I had almost attended instead, the investment bank which I did my unpaid internship at, the investment bank which I did my temp position at, and basically any and all bulge bracket investment banks. Or accounting firms.

I used to think I was the type of person who didn't care about money. I used to believe all that mattered to me was doing what I (supposedly) loved. However, I had not counted on having NO money and NO job prospects. This totally changes the equation.

To summarize:
Doing what you love + earning a liveable income > doing what you hate + misery + earning a hefty income.
Doing what you love + absence of a steady income + misery < doing what you hate + misery + earning a hefty (or any) income.

To further summarize, it's preferable to be employed yet miserable, versus unemployed and still miserable. When you are employed and miserable, you can choose to end your employment at any time. The reverse is not true.

I'm not sure how to describe the exact feeling that the above words/phrases trigger in me. Maybe it feels like when you find out you've won $50,000 in the lottery, but then misplace the ticket. I specifically picked $50,000 to serve two purposes, and you can probably guess what they are.


"But didn't you want to go into marketing?"

I don't think I'm the type of person who does well spending all day on the phone with different people. The type of marketing I had wanted to get into is now out of question (for me) due to the economy. So now marketing at many places involves making arrangements, building contacts, purchasing materials, event planning, etc. It sounds interesting, but quickly becomes draining after you make 20  phone calls to 5 different restaurants just to make a reservation for a single company dinner. And then your company decides to cancel the dinner.


Maybe I should beg my former classmates for help in finding a job. I would also have to beg them to let me sleep on their couch for however long it takes to get a job. One friend of mine thinks this is a good idea. I just can't swallow my pride though. How bad would it be if after all their help, I still can't find a job? One friend and several family friends have already tried their best to help me in my job search, and I still ended up with nothing.


This current stint is my 5th internship.

Consequences of Unemployment

I'm bored and decided to update this blog. I spent the past weekend alone and cooped up in front of my laptop on an air mattress. The landlords left for vacation, so I have the house to myself. The time I spent away from blogging has been nice. Instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, I just blocked out the employment issue from my mind. But now that summer is more than halfway over, I should get back to the problem at hand.

But first: unemployment is so lonely and isolating. I feel like it ruined parts of my life that had once been promising, if not perfect. Everything feels so foreign and out of place now that I sometimes feel like I'm dreaming (and not in a good way).

1. Social Life
 After moving back with my parents, I was hundreds of miles away from most of my friends. And thus, my social life came to a screeching halt. Not that it was great before--it has been withering since I graduated from college early. But the several months before I graduated from college were utterly amazing. I had several best/close friends at that point, and there was always something fun to do. Unfortunately, I decided to not keep in contact with most of my friends after graduation because I was ashamed about still being unemployed. I figured I would get a job, move back, and everything will go back to being good again. That was over a year ago. Sigh. Now that I've moved out of my parents' house to take on an internship in the middle of nowhere, I have absolutely no one to talk to outside of my internship hours. And I have nothing in common with my college friends anymore. They have all moved on to fancy jobs and the real world. Meanwhile, I'm stuck in unemployment-limbo and have decided that self-imposed isolation is preferable to facing feelings of regret and shame.

2. Family
My parents sometimes treat me like I'm a good-for-nothing freeloader. They are really embarrassed by my being unemployed, so I don't bother going anywhere in public with them. We used to get along, but this unemployment problem has ruined whatever semblance of a relationship we had. My parents are pretty temperamental, and I'll never forgive them for the various insults they've hurled at me over the past several months. And this is all because I couldn't find a job.

3. Financially
The transition from being a broke college student to a broke, unemployed college graduate isn't too bad. I dread thinking about the future though. Whenever I try to plan ahead, I am haunted by fears of long-term unemployment. What if I'm doomed to be broke for life? Right now, the future looks like this: no job, no income, no car, no house, nothing.


I feel so unmotivated to go into my internship place every morning because it just further reminds me that I don't have a "real" job. And not just any "real" job, but a good job that I would like. But alas, beggars can't be choosers. In this economy, beggars get nothing to choose from at all.


What next?

I have no clue what I want to be, what I hope to accomplish in life, where I see myself in the future, where I see myself in ten years, or anything along those lines. I'm sick of answering those types of questions. What I really want is this: a job, a source of income (a.k.a. a job).

That said, I need to decide what to do once my internship ends. Here are my options:

A. Continue looking for a job. 'Cause that has obviously worked out wonderfully for me! Granted, I've mostly given up lately. It might not be a bad idea to spam job boards with hundreds of applications again. This probably won't lead anywhere though. Sadly, no one on those job sites are seeking entry-level candidates with no full-time work experience. Hahaha.

B. Apply to grad school. Grad school can certainly open up doors, especially for the never-employed like me who have no doors to begin with. Cost: $40-50k!, not including living expenses and books. I hate the idea of taking on so much debt, and possibly still ending up unemployed. Another concern: what if I fail? I've heard so many things about how difficult grading in grad school can be. If I end up with a low GPA in grad school, I'll probably be permanently unemployed. In addition, it will take a whole year before I can attend grad school, assuming I start preparing my application materials right away. I would need to study for the GRE/GMAT, and then actually do well on it. This alone could take months.

I think I want to go to grad school for accounting, even though I have no experience in accounting. Isn't it supposed to be recession-proof? Or at least as recession-proof as most industries these days. This sounds like it could be a mistake, but once upon a time I was actually good at math. Also, I had taken two introductory accounting classes in college, one of which I found confusing, difficult, and boring (B+ as my final grade, after a very generous curve). I had left the final exam room for that class feeling nauseous and worried that I had failed (final exam grade: 73%). My second accounting course was a relatively interesting one in which all the material made a lot of sense to me (A as my final grade). Both were equally quantitative, surprisingly.

C. Continue taking classes. This might be the most reasonable option. I have been taking classes for the past few months. If I continue, I can complete a graduate degree within a year. Unfortunately, this degree would only prepare me for a government job (if they are still hiring by the time I graduate). Also, I find the major to be very boring. Continuing with the classes is going to cost a decent amount of money too. But if I don't take any more classes, I would never have the chance to get this degree again.


So, what do you think?

I can't decide between A, B, or C. Grad school seems promising, but only if I ace everything and land my dream entry-level job right after graduation. Everything is so uninteresting. Classes, job-hunting, interning, temping, working--it's all tedious and boring.