Everything reminds me of how my college friends and I are growing apart and are on completely different paths in life. (This is why you shouldn't go to college out-of-state, unless you're determined to settle down in that area after graduation.) I kid you not when I say that EVERYONE who I had been friends with and kept in touch with, however briefly, now has a full-time job. (Is there something wrong with me??) And for 95% of them, not just any job, but an amazing one. A few of them are posed to make over $100,000 in this coming year. And all of them are going into the same handful of firms, in the same metropolitan area. The same metropolitan area which I left behind to seek a wonderful life in the suburbs.
The most triggering word for me is "finance". I wish I had majored in finance instead!! Followed by, in no particular order: "accounting", "marketing", "business school", "college" , "university", "internship", and "diploma". Speaking of diploma, does anyone want to purchase my
Back to more triggering words/phrases: the name of my college/university, the name of the university I had almost attended instead, the investment bank which I did my unpaid internship at, the investment bank which I did my temp position at, and basically any and all bulge bracket investment banks. Or accounting firms.
I used to think I was the type of person who didn't care about money. I used to believe all that mattered to me was doing what I (supposedly) loved. However, I had not counted on having NO money and NO job prospects. This totally changes the equation.
To summarize:
Doing what you love + earning a liveable income > doing what you hate + misery + earning a hefty income.
Doing what you love + absence of a steady income + misery < doing what you hate + misery + earning a hefty (or any) income.
To further summarize, it's preferable to be employed yet miserable, versus unemployed and still miserable. When you are employed and miserable, you can choose to end your employment at any time. The reverse is not true.
I'm not sure how to describe the exact feeling that the above words/phrases trigger in me. Maybe it feels like when you find out you've won $50,000 in the lottery, but then misplace the ticket. I specifically picked $50,000 to serve two purposes, and you can probably guess what they are.
"But didn't you want to go into marketing?"
I don't think I'm the type of person who does well spending all day on the phone with different people. The type of marketing I had wanted to get into is now out of question (for me) due to the economy. So now marketing at many places involves making arrangements, building contacts, purchasing materials, event planning, etc. It sounds interesting, but quickly becomes draining after you make 20 phone calls to 5 different restaurants just to make a reservation for a single company dinner. And then your company decides to cancel the dinner.
Maybe I should beg my former classmates for help in finding a job. I would also have to beg them to let me sleep on their couch for however long it takes to get a job. One friend of mine thinks this is a good idea. I just can't swallow my pride though. How bad would it be if after all their help, I still can't find a job? One friend and several family friends have already tried their best to help me in my job search, and I still ended up with nothing.
This current stint is my 5th internship.
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